Saturday, June 19, 2010

How to Date a City


Should you ever find yourself single, friendless, and living in a strange city that for even stranger reasons you refuse to leave, I highly advise you to put down the mallomars and get out of bed. There is a better way!!!

It doesn't matter why you're there or why you can't leave or that you're planning your escape and just waiting for the opportune moment so why should you make any effort. Because for now, You. Are. Home. Maybe you don't identify with this place. Maybe you don't like its smell. Maybe all the people you interact with on the regular Suck with a capital S. Whatever the case may be, the stress and anxiety of hating where you live will make you wrinkly and fat before it kills you undramatically and in a most depressing fashion.

If you do manage to avoid ugliness and obesity, that may be because you're on drugs or worse, have found love. But addictions are not the way to go. In most cases, either love will run out on you or you'll run out of drugs. So, if you can't be in love where you live, may I suggest that you love where you're living.

Even if you live somewhere where the very air makes you want to vom, other people have found happiness there, and you too can accomplish that. Each week set aside some time during which, under normal circumstances, you would be dating a potential life partner if everyone in your city didn't suck so much. Plan out a night that pushes your limits beyond your front door, or maybe, just drive around without a map or a GPS. Go online and find the Best Ofs in your city. Find the Best Bakery, the Best Restaurant, the Best Outdoor Music Venue, and then GO THERE. There's a reason its the best right? You don't need anyone to go with, you have yourself and you're pretty sure you're the coolest person within city limits. Dress up and wear whatever you want. Go eat something at that place YOU want to check out and then enjoy your food without distraction and savor every single morsel and maybe flirt with the waiter because its not embarrassing if no one is there to witness!

Check out Yelp.com and DailyCandy.com and get their weekly emails. Before you toss them in your cyber-trash, take a quick look and see what they've found in that horrible place you live. Maybe there's something there that you wouldn't expect from the 7th circle and just maybe you're not really doing anything that night anyway, so you might as well see what Helium Ballooning is all about.

Remember, during every period of courtship, there are hard times and doubts -- an unsteadiness as you get to know each other. Not every day is a picnic, but when you're patient and you listen and when you put your expectations on hold for a minute, the goodness is revealed and suddenly you find yourself smiling, and giddy, and excited to be part of something greater than yourself. Before you know it, you'll start focusing on the beautiful things and you'll accept the stuff you just can't change. And one day, when some jerk from some place else starts ripping on YOUR town, you'll find yourself standing up for it with the very passion you had previously reserved for loathing it. Because HEY! I LIVE HERE!!


Whatever you do, at the very least get to know your city, because when you leave, you'll be from there. You might as well know what you're talking about.

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